People always have a solution for everything - we can present ready-made solutions to all the problems of other people's worlds on a golden platter, even when it comes to a field in which we are not entirely specialists. Giving advice makes us feel better. We are the ones who suggest a specific solution, we feel competent, and we hold the bull by the horns, not the other way around. By giving advice, we spread our views, values, and ideas about the world and reality, in which we put ourselves at the center.
Everyone has probably received a series of helpful pieces of advice in response to sharing their concerns or complaining. The thing is... we don't always expect "golden advice". Sometimes we want someone to just hug us or curse us. Does this make us toxic? NO. Everyone sometimes has a bad day and wants to complain rather than look for solutions to problems. However, let us remember that our interlocutors are not in our heads and do not always have to read our moods and needs flawlessly. If we don't want to receive any advice, it's best to say it directly.
First of all, you need to ask yourself whether I think I need this person's advice. People automatically start giving us good advice when we share our problems with them. The desire to influence the world is natural. However, it is worth considering what issues require support. Do we really want our friends to make decisions about our relationship for us? Does he have sufficient knowledge about you, your partner, and your feelings?
There are areas in which we need substantive support from an expert because unfortunately, one cannot know everything. That is why we trust a doctor, lawyer, or architect in situations when we do not have the appropriate competencies.
A hierarchy naturally develops in a group, and different individuals perform assigned or equally naturally accepted tasks. Everyone in the "herd" has a role to play and is improving to be able to perform it better. It is strange that modern man rarely realizes that he is not as independent as he usually thinks. In the early stages of their development, people imitated and learned from each other in order to contribute to the success of the group in which they functioned and without which they could not survive. Today, people are focused on their individual success.
Is such behavior against our nature? Collaboration stopped being people's strong points some time ago. One may wonder about the consequences of this change for the individual, but it should be noted that there are spheres of life that require cooperation and situations in which a person must rise above his or her individual good and work for the well-being of all in order to indirectly also secure his or her own interest.
Man subconsciously looks for a recipe for happiness. One "for everyone", because if everyone becomes happy thanks to it, it means that I can too. Thanks to this need, influencers, YouTubers, and internet "specialists" gain success. They are role models of success for people. After all, she does, so she definitely knows - she has some universal knowledge about how to be a successful woman. And we start to imitate - buy what they recommend, do what they do.
And like mushrooms after the rain, "professional" YouTubers, bloggers, and Instagram models are sprouting up - all captivated by the story of making millions pleasantly and quickly... Let's be honest, a certain percentage of people on the Internet pursue their passions, while others like to browse other people's materials, show their own, and try to do business. It should be noted that these people whom we put on a pedestal because they have a great life on social media, in reality, are not always as happy as in the photos. We listen to the advice not of those who know something, but of those who can advertise something well.
Psychologists point out that a certain kind of relationship is created between the person giving advice and the person receiving it, in which a certain hierarchy prevails. The person giving advice becomes the more important, "knowing", more experienced one, and the other person is subordinate because he admits ignorance and considers himself incompetent.
When we advise, we hold a higher position than the person we advise. During this exchange of thoughts and views, we begin to feel that we have higher competencies than we actually have, and if someone follows our suggestion, this feeling strengthens. This is often an unconscious or partially unconscious process - we influence someone's decision to feel better, to create the world according to our needs. When we talk about such conscious behavior, we simply call it manipulation.
Well, not necessarily, because life is about meeting our needs and trying to shape the world and reality around us so that we are happy. Advising can actually strengthen relationships with other people. Research has shown that helping others and improving their quality of life can increase our own level of happiness.
What's more, we can be asked for advice - it strengthens or even improves our self-esteem, because we receive proof that someone trusts us and that our opinion is important to someone. We also often ask for support in making some decisions so that we can divide the "responsibility" between other people. I need to decide something, but I'm not sure how to handle the situation, so I ask a colleague at work or a friend. Then, even if the idea turned out to be unsuccessful and I had to bear the consequences myself, I still feel better to some extent because I can tell myself that I was not the only one who thought that this solution would be good. We both thought so...
In some societies, the need to act for the common good is not as important as the happiness of an individual, but there are also societies in which the pressure to "complete" certain stages in life is very strong. Maybe you've also found yourself shrugging off "good" advice like "You really should get married already" or "Why do you work? Your boyfriend earns so much, you should tell him that he should support you.”
We often put up with this advice because it is the price of belonging to the group, and sometimes we even implement it because we feel that this is what is expected of us. And sometimes because of this, we stop being ourselves, we give in to persuasions, we do what we would normally never do and we ask for things we don't care about, just because others need it - children of successful parents become lawyers, " because it's the only right way to success", young people get married "because it's the right thing to do", artists and athletes give up on their dreams because it's not serious. Just because someone gave them good advice... Everyone does it, and we listen to them because then we can blame our failure on those who preferred to advise us on the path of less resistance...
…because it's easier.
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