Probably many of you missed a day or two at work (or school) when you weren't really sick at all. Everyone needs an extra day off sometimes. Some, however, try too hard to make their excuse sound plausible ...
# 1.
I once had an employee who took leave on demand because he "woke up all in a pile". After hearing this sentence, I didn't know how to continue the conversation. - DiamondLightLover
# 2.
When I was a manager in a fast food restaurant, one guy said that a MUST leave early! I asked why - it turned out that RAW (wrestling) was on TV that evening. He explained who was fighting and then told the whole story that led to the fight. He did not fail to use quotes and sound effects. He was 43 years old. - Ghost3741
# 3.
One of the waitresses couldn't come to work one day because "during the night her boyfriend fucked her ass so hard that she couldn't walk normally". Earlier, she said that she knew she was going to give me too much information in a moment but had been taught that honesty was always the best. After a moment of awkward silence that lasted endlessly, I just choked out "OK". - likewordsgood
# 4.
I had a girl working for me who did a great job until she came to work without prior notice. The next day, she said that she made a decision to become a Rastafarian and absolutely had to get some dreadlocks. - beerandmastiff
# 5.
A few years ago, a certain person called and said that today he would not come to work because he was detained. It is worth noting that this person was 25 years old. I said I cannot accept something like this and expect it to come on its own. So he handed the phone over to his mother, with whom we talked for a long time. He actually lived with his parents and she grounded him. Eventually, she said that since we cannot honor her decision, he is quitting the job. Pity the boy. - Smedynski
# 6.
I don't know if this is an example of the best or worst excuse. Anyway, I got an SMS from an employee saying "my engine has kittens" and sent pictures of a little kitten sitting under the hood. Apparently, a kitten had got a kitten in his car and he had to get it out and move it to a safe place. - Maegles
# 7.
The girl who worked for me called and said she couldn't come to work because she had "motion sickness". I asked if he meant a hangover. She denied it and insisted very much not to come that day. Because of that, I had to work 3 shifts in a row. Thanks! - rhebarroomher
# 8.
Best of all: "I just bought a monkey and every time I leave the house, he's afraid I left it and he goes crazy" - the next day he even showed pictures of his monkey.
The worst: "It's Tuesday. Eat Tuesday." - Fantago
# 9.
The most horrific vacation on demand I overheard. I work in an office and deal with paperwork. The phone is ringing, and one of the planners answered. You can hear sobbing, hysteria, and screaming on the handset, and on the other hand, "Okay, okay. Calm down, take the day off. I'll do it, take it easy!" I gave her a strange look, and she hung up. It turned out that the girl woke up during her period with blood on her new white sheets. It soaked in her mattress and ruined her underwear and pajamas. Worse, she had no tampons, the car was in the garage, and she only had a bicycle.
I felt so sorry for her. I asked who it was and it turned out I knew the girl. She lived on the same block as me. 15 minutes later I drove to the store, bought a week's supply of pads, tampons, toilet paper, and painkillers, and dropped her off. I was a superhero that day. Nice feeling. - FawkesFire13
# 10.
My boss told me a story. A new employee called and said, "Look, my iPod broke. You won't understand. If I have to go out without my music, I'll go crazy! You won't understand. I'm serious. It's not funny!" The best thing about it is that we work in a shop where we repair phones, iPods and other similar devices ... - fizyplankton
# 11.
I was the manager of a large call center that didn't pay too much. One girl we had just hired called crying, saying her cohabitant had just stabbed her and couldn't come to work. I was shocked and told her not to worry about work and take care of herself and her baby.
Two days later she came to work and showed her "wound". It turned out that she just went to drink and somehow injured her lower abdomen (a lot of surfaces here, it could have been anything) and decided to use it.
I was lied to many times by people who didn't feel like coming to work, but this time I was disgusted because I was really worried about her. - bamfurlon
# 12.
When I ran the bar last year, I heard a lot of excuses. The best time was when one of the waitresses called to tell me that she had met a wealthy music producer at a party with whom she had fallen in love. She was just at a BMW dealership picking out a new car for which he was paying. I was quite skeptical. She never came to work again, but a few weeks later she popped in to show off a car registered with her. - miz0909
# 13.
I was the manager on the night shift (3-9am) and the oldest employee (around 50) showed up an hour late. He just said, "Sorry, boss. My wife was horny and I couldn't let it go." Everyone loved this guy, so of course, he got away with it. - BoboLuck
# 14.
I lived in a very rural area. The worst excuse I heard was when a friend of a 17-year-old working for us called. He claimed to be his uncle and must leave early today because the cows have escaped and must be herded back to the farm. The manager who picked up told the employee, "I don't believe this crap, but I'm not going to hold you back." The boy stayed and finished his work. - mike_b_nimble
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